Thursday, June 21, 2012

Fucking Up... 06/20/2012

It's pretty sad to see
How fucked up I've become
To see how much I've let others
Suffer in my stead
Without understanding
Without realizing that I wasn't
Just hurting myself,
But everyone around me
As well

The problem is that I kept my mouth
Shut too long
Dealt with my issues in my own way
In secret
So that I didn't have to lose
Everyone that mattered to me.

But I lost them anyway

I'm just getting started you see
Just starting to understand
How it's really supposed to be

It's funny how life throws you
Certain curve balls
Certain situations that you
Have to make right or lose
It all

They'll see
They'll all see
That their disgust and abandonment
Came a little too late this time
Breanne Elizebeth McGowan
Is Dead…
Who the person inside her shell
Is someone in the making…

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Beginning my Reckoning... 06/20/2012

So what am I?
Another kind of lie
What have I begun?
Another chance
To fly or die

All I have
All I’ve been
Got lost again
In the heroin

Clawing my way back out
A moment at a time
While I cover up the scars
And defy my destructiveness

Tearing out my reason
Right along with most of
My soul
So many handfuls of heartache
They’ve buried me alive

All I have
All I’ve been
Getting lost
Lost in the heroin

Just like a cyclone
Just like the tide
Just let me go
Just let me die

All that I have
All that I’ve been
I have begun my reckoning

All that I was
And all I will be
I beg of you
Deliver me

Phantoms in the night
Torment the demons in my mind
They scream
They beg
They ache
They bleed
They try to undo
What little is left
To what is me.