My Worst Enemy 9/23/14

Is there hope 

For one such as me? 

Is there a light 

At the end

Of this seemingly 

Endless tunnel?

Sometimes I try

To look ahead 

And dream of 

A better life

A future in that light 

Somewhere warm and 

Golden

One where I can hold 

My babies once again 

And somewhere 

I can finally feel whole

Somewhere to heal 

From these vicious

Self inflicted wounds...

But there's always someone 

Standing solidly

Blocking my path

Getting in the way

And taking me further 

From the life I wish for 

And when I see her 

She's always shrouded in 

Darkness 

And I always followed 

Her down the wrong path 

Until I decided to shine a light

Into her ravaged face 

And realized I was always

Just staring at

Myself in the mirror 

At my own worst enemy

Naked 9/21/14

I've gotten so good 

At doing the wrong thing

Choosing the wrong path

That I wonder now

If I'm ever going to

Truly fit

Truly adhere

To the right 

I think about you 

Sometimes when I'm 

Feeling morose 

And I wonder

How you sleep

At night

Wrapped up tight

In your solitude

Like a blanket

I'm getting tired

Of always looking at

What I've lost

So damn sick of 

The pity party

I've wallowed in 

That I believe 

It's time now

To look only at what 

I have gained

And what I am going to 

Achieve 

Now that I've 

Cast off your blanket

And walked 

Naked

Into the light...

Masks 9/3-14

You and I 

Have seen too much

Of how harsh

This wold 

Can be

So we show

A different side

Of ourselves 

To people 

Outside 

And portray ourselves 

As hardened

So that the world

Keeps it's self

At arms length. 

Because we have seen

What can happen 

If we let it get too close

We wear masks

To keep them from seeing

How vulnerable we can be. 

You have seen me

Without mine

At my worst

When I was ready

To give certain people

The satisfaction

Of seeing me 

Blow a hole

Into mine

And you're still here

   Slowly untying the strings 

      That holds yours

          In place 

Two Weeks 9/1/14

On this day

Last year

Had I known

Had I suspected

The moment 

The days

The months 

Of pure hell

I would have to endure

I wouldn't have changed

A single thing

But for one

On that day

When I held you 

In my arms 

In the wee hours

So you could have your bottle

So we could have 

Mommy and Kairi time

I would never have taken

My eyes off of you 

Never would have 

Fallen asleep 

So that I could have been

Vigilant 

And saved you 

The moment you 

Breathed your last