Tuesday, September 23, 2014

My Worst Enemy 9/23/14

Is there hope 
For one such as me? 
Is there a light 
At the end
Of this seemingly 
Endless tunnel?
Sometimes I try
To look ahead 
And dream of 
A better life
A future in that light 
Somewhere warm and 
One where I can hold 
My babies once again 
And somewhere 
I can finally feel whole
Somewhere to heal 
From these vicious
Self inflicted wounds...

But there's always someone 
Standing solidly
Blocking my path
Getting in the way
And taking me further 
From the life I wish for 
And when I see her 
She's always shrouded in 
And I always followed 
Her down the wrong path 
Until I decided to shine a light
Into her ravaged face 
And realized I was always
Just staring at
Myself in the mirror 
At my own worst enemy

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Naked 9/21/14

I've gotten so good 
At doing the wrong thing
Choosing the wrong path
That I wonder now
If I'm ever going to
Truly fit
Truly adhere
To the right 

I think about you 
Sometimes when I'm 
Feeling morose 
And I wonder
How you sleep
At night
Wrapped up tight
In your solitude
Like a blanket

I'm getting tired
Of always looking at
What I've lost
So damn sick of 
The pity party
I've wallowed in 
That I believe 
It's time now
To look only at what 
I have gained
And what I am going to 
Now that I've 
Cast off your blanket
And walked 
Into the light...

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Masks 9/3-14

You and I 
Have seen too much
Of how harsh
This wold 
Can be

So we show
A different side
Of ourselves 
To people 
And portray ourselves 
As hardened
So that the world
Keeps it's self
At arms length. 
Because we have seen
What can happen 
If we let it get too close
We wear masks
To keep them from seeing
How vulnerable we can be. 

You have seen me
Without mine
At my worst
When I was ready
To give certain people
The satisfaction
Of seeing me 
Blow a hole
Into mine

And you're still here
   Slowly untying the strings 
      That holds yours
          In place 

Monday, September 1, 2014

Two Weeks 9/1/14

On this day
Last year
Had I known
Had I suspected
The moment 
The days
The months 
Of pure hell
I would have to endure
I wouldn't have changed
A single thing
But for one
On that day
When I held you 
In my arms 
In the wee hours
So you could have your bottle
So we could have 
Mommy and Kairi time
I would never have taken
My eyes off of you 
Never would have 
Fallen asleep 
So that I could have been
And saved you 
The moment you 
Breathed your last