Thursday, November 6, 2014

Letter to JM 11/6/14

I see
Your beloved face
In pictures 
I wasn't meant 
To see 
Because you 
Despise the very
Air I breathe 
Because of all the
Rotten memories 
That have now 
The good 
I understand 
You're reticence 
Your unwillingness 
To allow such an
Unfaithful foe
Back into 
Your world
Into your confidence 
Even your acquaintance

No matter what 
Steps I work 
Or how much 
A person can change 
I can't erase the memories 
Of how badly I have 
Let you down 
That have gotten us
To this season of silence 

But it doesn't change 
The sound
Of my heart
Shattering inside
My chest
No matter how
I am of 
This agony

I still miss you 
With every breath
With every tear
I shed 
At this loss
And even If
You never let me 
Back into your life 
I will be watching 
I will be loving
And I will be waiting 
Should your step 
Ever falter back
In my direction 

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Painful Steps 11/5/14

I write these words on paper 
So that they 
Take form
Made substantial 
By simply flowing ink
On white
I wish
More than anything
I could show them 
So that you could feel 
The power behind them 
So that you could feel
The way I do 
When I see them

These steps
Sounds simple 
From the lay mans point of view
But I stand here 
Poised on the edge of beginning
The Fourth Step
And to do so
I must look at something
I've been running from
For so long I have almost 
Forgotten how it began
I have to write these words 
On paper
And stake myself out
And admit
For God, another human 
And most frighteningly 
The exact nature 
Of my wrongs 

And there are so many
So much 
I haven't even acknowledged 
Let alone admitted 
That soon this blank canvass 
Will fill
With all the dirty little secrets
I've had hidden inside

So I write these words
On paper
And I wish 
The pen wasn't so heavy, filled 
With all the wrongs
For which now 
I must atone