Dear Irelynd, 8/31/14

In 12 days, the court proceedings begin. I pray to God I am doing the right thing in starting now but I don't believe your daddy is being honest with me. Now I am starting to believe the only reason he has asked me to wait is so that he can have my parental rights taken from me.  I no longer know what to believe. All I know is that I have done everything I can think of to get better so that I can be the mom a little girl as wonderful as you deserves.  I understand why there are those who don't believe I've changed. I was not in any shape at all not too long ago to be in your life. I know that. But I have gone through so much to get to where I am now and I can't wait any longer to hold you in my arms. I have been told to stay away for a long time now by your daddy and your Mema and perhaps at one time it was warrented, but I can't go much longer. I want to begin building memories so that we have a solid foundation for the rest of our days. If I could talk peacefully with your daddy I would have never gotten the courts involved but it seems that can't happen. So to court we go. The battle begins. 

All my heart,

All my love,

Mommy

Miracle Grow 8/29/14

I see things

A little differently

Than others

I see people 

For who they are

Not what

I value honesty

Truth

I value love 

In it's purest form 

The love of a mother

To her daughter 

Born not of blood

But something greater...

I sit here beside you 

And I wish silently

That my children 

Had grown up 

With you

That I had 

That I had been able 

To grow with you 

As my caretaker 

Like one of your garden 

Flowers

Loved and sheltered 

But it wasn't meant to be

Instead you get me after

Life has wilted me some. 

But as my master gardener

You've tended my fragile new

Growth 

And let me feel the warmth 

Of the sun. 

I am learning

To be a good little

Flower

To show you that

I deserve your 

Love

To show them all

Just how much 

I've grown

With your blessing

Under your love

My Hero 8/21/14

When I was a little girl 

I thought you were god

I know I shouldn't. Say that 

But it's true

You were everything I thought 

God was supposed to be.

Handsome

Strong

Loving 

But firm

You were my hero

And I would have followed 

You anywhere

But I grew up

As little girls tend to do

But due to circumstances 

Far beyond reason

I wasn't meant to be with you

So our journeys parted

Mine took me into the bowls

Of hell and left me on the edge 

But this story isn't about me

From what I have leaned

Yours took you into the loving arms

Of your soul mate 

You had lives to save 

With your call to heal the sick

You had two more beautiful girls

That graced your life with their light 

And you found your way 

Into a strong relationship with god. 

When we met again 

After years apart

When I was standing 

On the edge of no return 

You saved me

You drew me back to life 

So that I could stay with my baby

So that I could see the

Gracious life I wanted to achieve

But I lost my way in my darkness 

And I wouldn't let myself believe

That I was worth saving

And you found yourself

Facing the battle of your life

I wasn't there for the beginning 

But I was there at the end.  

And I held your hand in mine

And kissed your cheek 

And asked god to tell you

That you're still my hero 

And now j know that you and god

Are up there guiding me 

And showing me the way

Out of the darkness 

And into your light. 

Daddy 8/15/14

Im not ready

To lose you

Daddy

Not ready to 

Face the rest of

My life 

Without your smile

Without your unique 

Sense of humor

Without your amazing 

Ability to see past the 

Bad in me

And find the good

In spite do all the 

Wrong I've done. 

The fear in me

At the thought of 

Living without you

In the world 

To lift me up 

When I've fallen

And to kick my ass 

When I'm acting like one 

Fills me with such 

Hopelessness 

I'm not ready

To lose you

Daddy...

Not at all...

But I will love you

Respect you

And keep the 

Promises I made

And I know you'll

Keep yours

Because you see

Once upon a time 

There was a little girl 

Who would wait for her 

Daddy 

To come home from work 

So that she could have 

Daddy and I time

Where she would pull off

His shoes and socks

And rub his feet

Until the time he 

Didn't come home...

Not for a long time

Not til the girl became 

A woman

And they had 

Met on the scortched bridge

That they had burnt 

From either end 

And together

They rebuilt it 

And now

The girl is older

And her daddy

Is ill

Sick with a most 

Horrid illness

And he stands 

Poised on the edge of

Now and forever

And she feels just like

A little girl again

Waiting for her daddy

To go home

Where he can be

Beyond the pain

Wishing him a good journey

But wishing selfishly 

For him to stay

Just a little longer