Sunday, August 31, 2014

Dear Irelynd, 8/31/14

In 12 days, the court proceedings begin. I pray to God I am doing the right thing in starting now but I don't believe your daddy is being honest with me. Now I am starting to believe the only reason he has asked me to wait is so that he can have my parental rights taken from me.  I no longer know what to believe. All I know is that I have done everything I can think of to get better so that I can be the mom a little girl as wonderful as you deserves.  I understand why there are those who don't believe I've changed. I was not in any shape at all not too long ago to be in your life. I know that. But I have gone through so much to get to where I am now and I can't wait any longer to hold you in my arms. I have been told to stay away for a long time now by your daddy and your Mema and perhaps at one time it was warrented, but I can't go much longer. I want to begin building memories so that we have a solid foundation for the rest of our days. If I could talk peacefully with your daddy I would have never gotten the courts involved but it seems that can't happen. So to court we go. The battle begins. 

All my heart,
All my love,


Friday, August 29, 2014

Miracle Grow 8/29/14

I see things
A little differently
Than others
I see people 
For who they are
Not what
I value honesty
I value love 
In it's purest form 
The love of a mother
To her daughter 
Born not of blood
But something greater...

I sit here beside you 
And I wish silently
That my children 
Had grown up 
With you
That I had 
That I had been able 
To grow with you 
As my caretaker 
Like one of your garden 
Loved and sheltered 
But it wasn't meant to be
Instead you get me after
Life has wilted me some. 
But as my master gardener
You've tended my fragile new
And let me feel the warmth 
Of the sun. 
I am learning
To be a good little
To show you that
I deserve your 
To show them all
Just how much 
I've grown
With your blessing
Under your love

Thursday, August 21, 2014

My Hero 8/21/14

When I was a little girl 
I thought you were god
I know I shouldn't. Say that 
But it's true
You were everything I thought 
God was supposed to be.
But firm
You were my hero
And I would have followed 
You anywhere

But I grew up
As little girls tend to do
But due to circumstances 
Far beyond reason
I wasn't meant to be with you
So our journeys parted
Mine took me into the bowls
Of hell and left me on the edge 
But this story isn't about me

From what I have leaned
Yours took you into the loving arms
Of your soul mate 
You had lives to save 
With your call to heal the sick
You had two more beautiful girls
That graced your life with their light 
And you found your way 
Into a strong relationship with god. 

When we met again 
After years apart
When I was standing 
On the edge of no return 
You saved me
You drew me back to life 
So that I could stay with my baby
So that I could see the
Gracious life I wanted to achieve

But I lost my way in my darkness 
And I wouldn't let myself believe
That I was worth saving
And you found yourself
Facing the battle of your life

I wasn't there for the beginning 
But I was there at the end.  
And I held your hand in mine
And kissed your cheek 
And asked god to tell you
That you're still my hero 
And now j know that you and god
Are up there guiding me 
And showing me the way
Out of the darkness 
And into your light. 

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Daddy 8/15/14

Im not ready
To lose you
Not ready to 
Face the rest of
My life 
Without your smile
Without your unique 
Sense of humor
Without your amazing 
Ability to see past the 
Bad in me
And find the good
In spite do all the 
Wrong I've done. 
The fear in me
At the thought of 
Living without you
In the world 
To lift me up 
When I've fallen
And to kick my ass 
When I'm acting like one 
Fills me with such 
I'm not ready
To lose you
Not at all...
But I will love you
Respect you
And keep the 
Promises I made
And I know you'll
Keep yours
Because you see
Once upon a time 
There was a little girl 
Who would wait for her 
To come home from work 
So that she could have 
Daddy and I time
Where she would pull off
His shoes and socks
And rub his feet
Until the time he 
Didn't come home...
Not for a long time
Not til the girl became 
A woman
And they had 
Met on the scortched bridge
That they had burnt 
From either end 
And together
They rebuilt it 
And now
The girl is older
And her daddy
Is ill
Sick with a most 
Horrid illness
And he stands 
Poised on the edge of
Now and forever
And she feels just like
A little girl again
Waiting for her daddy
To go home
Where he can be
Beyond the pain
Wishing him a good journey
But wishing selfishly 
For him to stay
Just a little longer