Thursday, March 10, 2016

Remembrance 3/10/15

Having one of those nights... I'm missing my Kairi so bad tonight... Missing the way she would yell at her little stuffed Chihuahua she dubbed "Ah-Gee"... Missing how she would snuggle against my chest as she fell asleep in my arms...  Missing how she would look up at her big sister with wonder in her eyes.... Missing how she would perk right up as soon as she heard Daddy's truck pull into the yard... Missing watching and thinking what a lucky little girl she was for having such a wonderful and devoted father... And how lucky we were to be blessed with such a sweet angel to call ours...

Just missing her.....
Remembering her sweetness
Her light
As I sit here in the dark
And pray that she is happy
Where she is....
That she doesn't have to feel
This agony
This gnawing ache
In her heart
And praying that she knows
Just how much
She was loved
And how much
I love her still
With every breath I take
Without her in my arms

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Disappointment 3/6/16

1.) The feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.
2.) A person, event, or thing that causes disappointment.

It seems that every time we speak
You have some small way of cutting me
To the quick
Of making me feel
And normally,
I allow you to speak your piece
Tell me how no good I am
And feel like shit
For days following
The storm...

In the last conversation we had,
You decided the topic would be
How disappointed
You are
In me

How I've never lived
Up to your hopes
Your expectations
For me
And how I'm basically
Just a worthless
Bag of shit and
Broken dreams
To you...

But for once...
I decided it was time
To speak my piece...
To tell you
Just how disappointed
I am
In you...

That I have a disease
That you never bothered to
Learn anything about
And still believe I can
Shake off like a dog
Shaking off water

And when I needed you
To be my mother
When we stood in
The hospital
And we held my child's
Lifeless body
For the last time
When I needed
My Mother

The absolute most

You walked away


So here we are
Sitting and wallowing
In our respective
Letting them fester
Like infected wounds...
And it's getting us

So I'm done
Living with this pain
I refuse to allow it
Even one more corner
To rent space in my head
If  you can't swallow your
Like I've swallowed mine...
Then I guess that's your call...
I can't make you
Want to be
My Mother
Than I can make
You want me
As your

But I wish you could... 

I See 3/6/16

I saw you in passing
Just the other day
And I tried
To talk with you
Laugh with you
Take joy in
How much better
You're looking
And feeling
And doing

And I tried to share
My joy with you
Because so much
Has changed
For the both
Of us...

But you looked
Right through me
Like I was some
Disease from
Your past
That you wished
You could erase
And left
In such a hurry
You'd think
I'd tried
To bring you
To the hell
You crawled
Out of

You look wonderful
You seem to have it all
In check now
But remember
I see you
For who you were then
And who you are now
And wanted only to
Take joy in today...
And wish you the best...