Saturday, January 3, 2015

Trifecta 1/3/15

Nights like these
As the memories of
The ones I've loved
And lost
Burn through me
And I remember...

His smile...
His sexy lips that I never wanted to stop kissing
The way we ended and then began again
As something more than lovers
Like survivors of a war
Looking to the other
For solace...
And you gave me so damn much
I could say anything to you
And you understood
Like nobody else I've ever known
Until that day...
When the world lost
Your light
The day I had to walk up to your casket
And see you lying there...
So still
So cold
Eyes closed
Lips frozen against mine
And I left part of my soul
In that box
Beside you

Her innocence...
Her tiny fingers
Holding onto mine
As she lay in my arms
My child
My chance to be
The best momma
A little girl could ever have
I carried her inside me
For nine months
I sheltered her
I loved and protected her
She put a light into my life
That I know I never deserved
That I know was the sweetest
And most precious gift
I would ever receive

But damn God,
Why did I have to give her back
So fast...

The only comfort I have
In the sea of despair
In which I've drowned
Since the morning I woke up
And realized
That she had left me
In the night
Was that the last thing she felt
Was my arms around her
Holding her safe
The last sound she heard
On this earth was
The heart of a mother
That will beat for her
Until time stops
Until the day
She's in my arms

And then there's you...
The man who started out
My father in childhood
And ended as
My Daddy
The man that saved me
From me
More than once
The man that gave me hope
That I could maybe
Be the girl
He always believed
I could be
But I could never see...
The day I sat at his feet
As he lay ravaged from the cancer
In his hospital bed
And he made me a promise
That I know he keeps still
To take care of my Kairi for me
When he got to heaven
And then the morning I walked in
And found him there
But already far away from me
Already in heaven
Keeping his word
His hands still warm
Just minutes too late
To say goodbye
So I held him
And cried on his chest
Because I wasn't ready
To lose my Daddy
To lose one of the last
Of my loved ones
Who believed in me
Who was proud of me
In spite of all the wrong
I've done

It's nights like these
When the trifecta of grief
Becomes an ocean
When the loss of such
Has me lost in the dark
And praying
For the

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