Your Favorite Scapegoat...

Somewhere lies the child
I never got to be.
Somewhere hides the darkness
Just waiting to be free
Just like a cancer
I've killed it all 
All that’s good in me

Where I’ve been 
What I’ve done
Who I’ve had to be
Just lies, all lies
All there is to me

Burrow deeper under the skin
I’ll never be clean
It sits there on the surface
It’s all that anyone sees.
No matter how hard I scream 
No matter how red I bleed
All that you ever cared to see
Is what you tried to make of me

Always so damn wrong.
Always the one at fault
Always your favorite scapegoat
Always your favorite scapegoat

Fucking Up... 06/20/2012

It's pretty sad to see

How fucked up I've become

To see how much I've let others

Suffer in my stead

Without understanding

Without realizing that I wasn't

Just hurting myself,

But everyone around me

As well

The problem is that I kept my mouth

Shut too long

Dealt with my issues in my own way

In secret

So that I didn't have to lose

Everyone that mattered to me.

But I lost them anyway

I'm just getting started you see

Just starting to understand

How it's really supposed to be

It's funny how life throws you

Certain curve balls

Certain situations that you

Have to make right or lose

It all

They'll see

They'll all see

That their disgust and abandonment

Came a little too late this time

Breanne Elizebeth McGowan

Is Dead…

Who the person inside her shell

Is someone in the making…

Beginning my Reckoning... 06/20/2012

So what am I?

Another kind of lie

What have I begun?

Another chance

To fly or die

All I have

All I’ve been

Got lost again

In the heroin

Clawing my way back out

A moment at a time

While I cover up the scars

And defy my destructiveness

Tearing out my reason

Right along with most of

My soul

So many handfuls of heartache

They’ve buried me alive

All I have

All I’ve been

Getting lost

Lost in the heroin

Just like a cyclone

Just like the tide

Just let me go

Just let me die

All that I have

All that I’ve been

I have begun my reckoning

All that I was

And all I will be

I beg of you

Deliver me

Phantoms in the night

Torment the demons in my mind

They scream

They beg

They ache

They bleed

They try to undo

What little is left

To what is me.