Eventually 9/18/13

So lost

So numb inside

So ready to just 

Run

Hide

From the tsunami 

That has become

My waking 

Torment

I had you for nine weeks

And within them

I found what heaven 

Tastes like

And I ache so inside

An empty, gnawing ache

That I just can't fill

Not with drugs or booze

Or with the promise that 

It will dull in time...

That this pain will get 

Fuzzy around the edges

Eventually

I can't seem to find 

The why,

Because there is no why

You were a gift I just wasn't 

Meant to keep.

Just a teaser of what life

Could be like 

If we were allowed 

To be happy

You left this earth

From the warmth

And shelter of my arms

You died in my arms

I will never allow forgiveness

For this ...

I should have been able

To save you

I should have known

That you were slipping away

That I would lose 

The light inside me

Eventually