|Pencil Drawing of Kairi (Gift to her Daddy)|
I've been trying so hard.... to make myself closed off from feeling anything... because all I want to feel Is you... In my arms
Where you belong
Instead I feel cold inside... my womb is just another empty chamber inside this body that has become my tomb...
It's sad sometimes... how people don't seem to see the rage, the anger and the pain inside me... behind my eyes... this decimation that has become my world... this body nothing but a torture chamber without your sweet weight on me... in me...
For the first time...
Into my breast,
To find your sweet spot... the spot that for the first few weeks of your life, you slept so sweetly... because I was afraid to put you down. The reason Mommy got the tattoo done by our friends Charlie & Carrie Bloss (who did such a good job in honor of your memory... Thank you so much Charlie & Carrie!!!) Jason, and I are the only ones who have this tattoo, and the only ones who ever will. It was placed right on the same spot your little head would rest on me when we laid together at night.... Right above my left breast, where I could bend down and smell the sweet scent of your hair. This gift was one of the sweetest we were given in your memory.... This footprint was taken from your birth ID card... it was done perfectly... and I am honored to have this beautiful memorial forever on my skin...
|Big Sister Jillian & Baby Kairi|
And that was it...
Your big sis gave you your name...
|Momma with her Sweet Angels|
|Mommy & Irelynd @ 1 Month Old|
|Mommy & Kairi @ 1 Month Old|
I can't express how much I miss you baby... Sometimes I think that losing you was the last crack my heart could handle... but life seems to be throwing more stones at my glass house... and the walls are shattering around me.
I feel very lost without you. I can't sleep without having nightmares of losing you again and again... so I find that I avoid sleep... until I can't stay awake and pass out from exhaustion. I am trying so so hard to remember only the good memories...
|Kairi Excited to See Her Daddy|
|Sir William & Sir Liam the Fearless|
|Our First Family Picture|
|The First Picture of Kairi taken by her Sweet Aunt Connie|
|Kairi at 5 minutes old.. Picture taken by Aunt Connie|
|Momma Cindy (Dramma)|
|Aunt Connie & Kairi|
|Rii loving Aunt Connie's Chest|
|Kairi Alina McGowan's First Big Smile!!! Sweet Sweet Angel!!!|
|Mommy & Sweet Angel Kairi|
|Kairi's Hospital Pictures taken at 1 day old!|