Monday, July 7, 2014

Happy Birthday Kairi 7/8/14

I sit here 
Your tiny fingers
Wrapped around mine
How you would lay on
Your changing table and 
You would talk you your 
Stuffed chihuahua that I
Swear you named "Agee"
And girl, sometimes you'd
Get so mad at that stinking 
How you would lay on my chest
And look up into my eyes
And show me what it felt like
To be where you are now.
How you would lay sleeping
Peacefully in your crib
And how hard it was 
To look away
I remember every moment 
You spent in my arms 
And how it felt when you
Moved in me
For the first time
And every time after
I would lay and dream
And pray and hope
Until the day I pushed you
Into this world 
And saw for the first time
What an angel really looked like. 
I remember our first talk
In the hospital when we
Were alone about how
I got to have the honor
Of being your mother 
Of giving you my name
Of being the only one 
Who got to shelter and protect 
You inside of me. 
And that is one honor I 
Won't take lightly

Tomorrow would have been 
Your first birthday. 
I should have been putting 
Together a party for a princess
Instead of releasing balloons 
So you can have them in heaven.
Tomorrow your family, 
The ones who have stood
Strong in their love for you
Are going to meet me. 
To honor you
No cake and candles
Your light will never be extinguished
No silly birthday games for kids
The adults have already played them
But by God, my baby
Will have her balloons

No laughter 
No pigtails 
No ribbons 
No lace

Your memory time
Can not erase

All my love to you
Kairi Alina McGowan

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