Grandma,
I remember
How soft
Your hands felt
Against my cheek
In my hair
I remember
How sweet
Your voice sounded
When you would tell me
That you loved me
Unconditionally...
And now...
Now I look at
The life I have led
And I wonder
If there is anything
At all
Worth being proud of...
Knowing that you were
Looking down on me
As I shot heroin
Into my veins
Sickens me
Knowing that you saw
Every moment of
Despair
Of pain
And that you were
Witness
To my disgrace
Makes me feel
Filthy inside
I know there is nothing
Besides my beautiful
Children
That I have
To take pride in
And even there
I feel I've failed them
And you've seen
All of it
I am so sorry
For who and what
I have become
But I am trying
So hard
To come back into
The light...
If there is some way
You still watch me
You still see me
And you still love me
Please don't turn away
I miss you so
Especially in moments
Like these...
When your very presence
Would put me at ease...
Please don't give up on me
Please don't turn away in disgust
At what you've seen
Up until this point...
Please keep watching over me
So that I can show you
That you do have someone
In me
To be proud of...
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