Monday, October 28, 2013

Letter to God 10/28/13


I seriously just don't understand what I did to deserve this hell in which I live right now... You've taken just about anything I had but you won't just graciously take the one last thing there is to take... My life... And I need you to do something here, because this is perhaps my penance... And if you're making me pay for my wrongs in this life, you need to let me know what it is I did to deserve this... because I just don't see it... I once believed myself to be a good person... I once believed myself to have risen above my past, but you've shown me just how wrong I was... Just how broken a person can become without killing what's left after you got through chewing me up and spitting me back out... and I am... I'm broken... I no longer believe in myself.. hell, I no longer believe in anything but the pain that you've shown me is my new reality... and it's unrelenting in it's agony... it's with me when I wake in the morning and it's with me when you allow me to sleep.  It never ends and I'm getting to where the weight of my promise that I made not to end things myself is becoming almost too much to hold.

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