Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Letters To Kairi 10/8/13

I see you  in my minds eye
Smiling and kicking your sweet tiny feet
It's strange how someone so tiny
Can become your entire world
In just a matter of moments
After nine months of hoping and wondering
That moment suspended in time
When you entered the world with one last
Painful push
You became the center of our world.
My Kairi, my sweet sweet angel
You had the ability to touch the heart of
Everyone you met.
And baby you are so so loved
And leading the pack of your many admirers
Stood your father and I
But I would stand aside and watch the two of you
And I watched your daddy stand taller, stand prouder
Because of his love for you
He cherished you
With every breath he took
I watched you two and it filled my heart with hope
How he would come home early just to be with you
Like the night of your first bath, when he told me to
Freeze, stop and don't do a thing until he was washed up
From his work day because he wanted to help
Because he didn't want to miss a single moment...
A single one of your firsts
How he would hold you out in front of him
So that you could curl your tiny sweet feet
Into his chest hairs so that later on,
I would find them between your precious toes
I would watch you every night... perk right up when
Your daddy's truck pulled into the yard
And instead of spending his time in his garage,
He came straight in the house to you
I'd see you lift your head and turn when you heard
The door open
How your sweet little nose would crinkle up
When you felt daddy's facial hair tickle your cheek
You'd then show us your sassy side
If your daddy wasn't quite fast enough
You'd get upset and get fussy until
He'd gather you up with his work roughened hands
The hands of a man who had spent his life
 Working hard so that he could get to
This moment
When he could hold his baby girl
Gently in his arms
And silently pay homage
To the beauty
Of you
He would hold you until it was time for bed
And then he would hold you some more
Because it was impossible to let you go
So between us you slept
The glue that held us together
The love and the light in the both of our lives

But for me
There is no more light
Because for some unknown reason
You were called back into the arms of the Lord
We were given this amazingly beautiful gift of love
Without knowing in advance we would only be allowed
To cherish and love this gift for an impossibly short nine weeks
Only nine weeks
To be graced with your purity and light
Only nine weeks
To make plans, to dream, to have hope for a future
One in which we had the chance for a little family all our own
But now we see that the Lord
Has other plans for us
My heart is in pieces because
Your daddy and I weren't able to beat the odds
You really were the glue that held us together
Sweet Kairi.
You showed your momma how beautiful
Having a family could  be
And because of the beauty you brought to us
Because of the legacy of love you left behind
I find myself unable to make the destruction of our family
Into a hateful thing.
I refuse to tarnish your light and the love that was shared
Between the three of us,
So now with heavy hearts,,
Your daddy and I part ways
Unable to mend the hurts, tear down the walls between us
And work on fixing what was left of the world
That Kairi left behind..
Baby, I'm so sorry
I could only work on me
I couldn't force your daddy's grief and hurts aside
And make him want to fix this
But I can promise you this...
I will always cherish each moment I spent
Loving you with your father....
But after having you
Perish in my arms
I've decided not  to waste
Even one more day
Trying desperately to give my love
And not receiving it in return

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