Little Girl Gone... 9/22/2012 (Explicit-Rape)

Yours is a memory
I've tried time and again
To rip out of my soul
To tear it out of my head
But it still burns...

I've only just started dealing
With the aftermath
Of your inability to understand
That what you two did to me
Has helped shape me
Into the empty, crazy bitch
You see today

I was only a child
Innocent at the time
One crack from your bottle
And I was on the ground
When I came to
I was innocent
No more

You'd ripped my shorts
In your haste to get
To what you coveted
You ripped me apart
In every way you could
And passed me off
To the friend you had
Helping to hold me down
Waiting his turn
He was just as violent
Almost a frantic fuck

And I just laid there
Covered in blood, semen, and tears
Pretending I was somewhere else
Pretending I was someone else
Someone who didn't just lose her
Innocence to two drunks
Who'd caught her unaware.

Unaware that there were men
In this already fucked up world
Who feel they can take
Whatever they want
And never pay the price

I didn't make a sound
How I've hated myself
For being a coward
For believing they would make good
On their promise that if I just
Kept my mouth shut
They'd let me go home
They'd let me be a little girl again

But they lied...

I'm a big girl now
Grown up without the things
They ripped out of me
The normal things...
Like self-esteem
Like self-respect
Like even a half formed
Ounce of give a shit
About the feelings of people
Who'd rip the innocence out
Of a girl just passing by
Of a girl who thought she was safe
But you showed her
Safe was a relative term
Not something real anymore

I always felt that I was broken
That there was something
Inherently wrong with me
But I no longer believe it
I believe that when you
Tore away my innocence
You started the cracks
That were bound to shatter
Under the pressure I applied
All by myself...

And it didn't take much
To anhilate me
Just a few violent, painful thrusts
That started the avalanche
That became my life
That became my normal
That made it okay to me
To make myself numb
To stop living a life at all
To only just exist
To stop feeling anything

Anything but the rage you
Deposited in my soul
About the same time
You deposited yourself
In any entry point you could
Force your way inside of
And ripped away my innocence
With every grunt of pleasure
While inside I was
Screaming in pain
In rage
In memory
Of the little girl that was
Who would never be again