NEVER ENOUGH 2009

Where does it end?
I’m so tired of feeling like 
I’m not really in here…
Like my skin’s too tight to hold me in and 
I’m just going to come pouring out at any moment… 

You see, in many ways, 
I’m still there.
Still finding solace in the slender vial of heroin.
Pushing the pain away and plunging myself further into heartache….

Where does it end?
This incessant waiting for the day that 
I stop craving. 
The day I finally come back to myself, 
Like a prisoner finally set free. 
Like nothing I do really matters in the long run…

I was supposed to matter. 
I was supposed to be the someone everyone talked about. 
The someone little girls wished they’d grow up to be just like
And now I’m not even proud of me
Now I just wish I’d disappear…

How to other people overcome this? 
I haven’t touched heroin in almost five years
Others call that an achievement, 
I just call it cowardice
I’m just afraid of what
I’ll become if I slip back into oblivion… 

Damn it, I wanted to be proud. 
Wanted my girls, the only ones who matter, 
To look up at me and be proud of something other
Than my ability to abstain from a drug
I wanted to be their heroine.. 
But all I am is lost.
All I am is me, 
Not enough for anyone…