Friday, January 25, 2013

Dear God 1/25/13

So I need you to talk to me
Stop being so fucking silent
Stop watching me make
All the wrong decisions
And just shaking your head
In disgust...
I get the fucking message
You didn't want me
The many times I tried
To die
So tell me
Why the fuck am I here
Why must I continue to feel
Such rage at you
Such disillusionment
Such disbelief in a God
Who would allow one of his
To stray as far
As you allowed me
To go
Can you please
Just send me a damn message
That I can't deny
Tell me why
You allowed me
To fall this far
I'm sure you thought
You were teaching me
A well deserved lesson
And I have to give it up
To you...
You taught me well
Never to believe
In anything
Never to trust
That God will
Because I know now
I get it

1 comment:

  1. WOW.. Is all I can say here... this post is from my amazing friend and mentor, who is not only an amazing author (Mary Reed McCall)... but also someone who has never given up on me... which means the world to me... Thank you so much Mrs. McCall!

    "Very powerful...whether your writings/feelings here are metaphor or literal I don't know; I can only speak from my heart and prop you up with Love and my reflections of this. It's true that God seems "silent" many times and doesn't intervene or change anyone's choices (IMHO). But I don't think it's because He doesn't care; I think it's because We are ALL part of God - we are his hands and feet and ears and eyes and emotions. What we experience He does too, since we are extensions of Him. Our experiences are His and he suffers or feel joy with us. His essence, however, is LOVE in its purest form (again IMHO). It means letting us experience and choose without his interference.

    But the closer we come to loving purely and fully ourselves and each other, the closer we come to "Heaven". I believe we are given lifetimes to learn this path, and it takes lots of tries and lessons learned. But sooner or later we get there and learn to truly and fully Love. And then (and only then) are we merged back fully with that Source of God and find lasting peace and joy. Love and Blessings on you, Bre! You are a strong woman who recognizes that at a cellular level and keeps coming back to what's important on your path. "