Saturday, January 5, 2013

Perspective 1/5/13

So I guess I've had a few things
Put into perspective for me
Since I mistakenly asked my family
(Some not included)
To consider life being too short
To continue the hate
To continue blaming my fuck up
For their unhappiness
With their own lives
And to extend a hand
Without twisting the wrist

I believed we were old enough
And wise enough to know
That life is too short
Shorter even than they comprehend
For some
But some things
You just can't fix
You can't take back
And you can't will them to love you
In spite of their hurt
From what I've done

All I can say is that I'm sorry
Not for me
For you
Because I've learned that I will no longer
Live my life to please others
Or spend another moment
Letting someone else's anger over the past
Put me back in a place
That is so far removed
From where I am now
To even consider
Allowing your issues
To taint the woman I've become

Yes, before this started you and I
Had a relationship that I'd have never
Traded for anything in the world
But even then, I couldn't tell you
What was going on inside of me
Because of the fear that you'd do just
What you did
Walk away when things weren't
Up to your liking
I spent years after rehab hiding
Trying to just forget and move on
And I was wrong, I did it wrong
Because I surrounded myself
With people with no understanding
Of the disease I have and expected them
To understand

But not one of you took the time
To try and find out
You just saw me bury it and pretend the
Beast didn't exist until it ripped it's way
Out of me again.
But you fooled me into believing that you'd
Be there for me when you never had any
Intention of doing so.
You say I'm the reason
And I quote...
"I can't trust the way I used to. 
I can't live the way I used to because you changed me. 
You showed me just how ugly the world can be, 
And you showed me just how much you didn't care..."

And you're wrong
But you're welcome to blame me
For the hurts you have suffered because of me
But you act like you've seen how ugly the world
Can be, because of me, and believe me
You have no clue... none at all
Just how ugly this world can be
I don't expect or hope you'll understand
Because you've never lived what hell I have
But you're welcome to behave as though you
Have suffered just as much if not more than me
You're welcome to speak of me with hatred and malice
But I can't/won't return the favor,
And I'm sorry you feel the way you do.

But unfortunately I can't take the credit
For all your problems
But you're welcome to continue using me as
Your scapegoat until you're ready to face
Your own damn demons.
But just remember one thing...
We may not have what we once did, but you know
That there are those who's love we both desire
And I refuse to remain out of their lives
For you.
Because of you.
You can continue to put me in the same category as
Her father figure, but remember this as well
I'm not him...
I can prove my claims...
Perhaps I don't jump to your beat,
But I feel this should be by her want
Not yours, or mine.

So I'm done
Pretending that maybe, someday I'll be able to prove myself
To you...
And I've finally realized the only one I need to prove anything to
Is myself and my child.
So say whatever you want
But please children, remember that what you post freely out on
Facebook will be read by eyes that don't need to see your

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