Friday, November 2, 2012

Letter To GOD 11/2/12

Dear GOD,

Yeah, it's me... I'm coming to you tonight because I'm so lost I can't contain myself anymore... I have a few things I'd like to say to you, some things that I need answers for...
So you know that most of the time I hate you.  I disavow your existence and I rage... Just rage at the way things have turned out.  I've been told time and again to "give it to GOD", so here... it's all yours.
Why did you allow those two assholes to rape me?  Can you give me an answer to that question?  Can you rightfully say that in this instance it made me a stronger person?  Because I all I have learned from that experience is that you must have been busy that night somewhere else, so it must not have been important enough for you to take notice. That was the night it started.  The night I stopped giving a shit about me... because the me I lived with after that was nothing close to human.  But I guess that was okay? Seriously?
I can look back on the things I've done and account for my actions and admit the wrong I've done... WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU?  Why can't you get off your ass and show me something that will allow me to have faith like other people do?  I have no peace in my soul or in my head.  I allow hate to eat me alive every fucking day because I can't love the me I am.  I seriously think I'm still laying face down, ripped apart and left like garbage and this life is all just a fucked up nightmare designed by the devil.
So I'm asking, no, pleading for you to just show me something to help me believe in you... Something that will help me learn to heal.  I can't continue the way I've been going... just throwing all my demons in the back seat and telling them to shut the fuck up because I want to turn the car around... I'm faltering here and I need help...
So I'm asking
I'm begging
For redemption
Because the devil is a slippery motherfucker and he's trying to break down the wall I've put up around my willpower.  I know it's coming.
Please intervene
Before I find myself back in the labyrinth without a flashlight
And without a prayer of making it out alive again.

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