Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Jason II 10/16/12

Above all else...
I wish I could make you
Wish you could
Reach inside
Of me and feel
Just how afraid
I really am

I am no good for you
Trust in me,
And watch us fall

I hate me today
I hate who I was
What I've done
I feel just like
A no good
A filthy
No good for you
No good for anyone

I don't know how
To reconcile
Who I was
And who I want to be
For you
For me
For the possibility
Of an us

I wait
Every evening
To hear you pull in
To hear your footsteps
On the stairs
My mind is in
A million tiny pieces
Until you walk in
And save my sanity
With a smile

We discuss your day
You talk about your family
And how I ache to have
That strength
That unity
That you have there
I know you notice
How awkward
I feel when we're there
Because I know
I do not belong

I only know
How it feels
To be on the outside
Looking in
Aching with the need
To finally start
To feel normal
Like I belong
To someone
Other than
The demons
That haunt me

You've captured
The heart of a gypsy
A woman who's never belonged
A woman who's never known home
And I'm trying to be like everyone else
But you need to know
I'm struggling with the need
To belong
And the knowledge that
It would be best for you
If I ran...
Fast and far
So as not to taint you
With the filth of my past

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