Rage 10/28/12

You don't see it
Do you?
You don't see the memory
That burns through me
With every fucking
Breath I take
The suicidal rage
That threatens to
Consume me
I know who I am
I know what I am
And regardless of how
You try to sugar coat it
No matter what you tell yourself
To make yourself see me as
Somehow better than what I am
It all comes back to this:
I am not good
I am not whole
I am not someone
You want coming for
Sunday dinner
To taint your loved ones
With my filth
My personal brand of
Depravity...
You don't see me
For the filthy bitch
I have told myself
Time and time again
That I am
I don't play the nice girl
The good girl
I may be clean,
But I'm not clean
I'll never be cleansed
Of my rage
That burns inside me
An inferno of hatred
That consumes everything
Good that enters my life
I know you'll leave me too
Just like all the rest
I'll burn the good out of you
Just like I incinerated my own
The first time I felt
The sweet sting
Of a needle full
Of heroin
I may be clean
But I'm not clean enough
Not good enough
Not enough
For you
For anyone
And knowing
That I can never give
Or be what you need
Is what feeds it
The monster that grows
Hungrier every damn day
That my rational side spends
Wishing that I could be more
That we could be more
I'll never be
Anything more
Than this walking disease
This junkie fuck that
Craves you
Just as much
If not more
Than enough
Heroin
To end my
Rage